BOOK OF DEATH
The Book of Death further describes the life of Ryan Hite after the second vision. After this time, Ryan went through a major change in his life where he was able to leave religion altogether. The death in this story refers to the death of the grip of religion on his life and the beginning of the spiritual age of light.
It was at this point that the covenant would actually be established and it would be the point in which he would start and complete the first edition of Through Minds’ Eyes. This is also the part of the story where Ryan establishes his religious identity. He does run into troubles, but his life gets easier.
At this point in his life, he has Samantha, Miranda, Sarah, and Nicole to guide him through these massive changes before their departure at the end of the book. That is the second great death of his life.
ENTRY 38: THE MOVE SEPTEMBER 2011
Moving from Littleton to Boulder meant a radical change in my life. I changed schools and left all those that I grew up with. I left all the social circles that I had made before. I had an opportunity like never before to redefine my life. Not since my transfer to Chatfield two years earlier did I have such a magnificent opportunity to change my reality and to change my beliefs. Up to this point, I was still burdened with the reality that I had made for myself. I had four relationships in shambles. I had a divided mind and heart in the religious realm. I had groups of people that I was not on good term with and I knew that my future was not with the people that I grew up with. I also had a magnificent opportunity to change my life and to meet people who did not grow up with me. I was able to put on a new front and encounter a new group of people that I never talked to before this.
The move was made in August 2011 and my entire social structure turned on its head. There were many conflicts at this point in my life. There were some social scenes that got better and there were some social scenes that became worse. For the first time in years, my primary group of friends came from the dorms and not a church group. Although I did not know it at the time, the people who I fell in love with later would not be involved in a church group, perhaps for the first time in my life in a major way. I did get a taste of my future when I dated Aislynn, but I did not feel the full effects until this time.
The biggest challenges faced in my life at this point would be the harmony between my past social circles and my past social desires and the present situation I was placed in starting in August 2011. The other conflict was between the Catholic group I was involved with and the Mormon group that I was involved with. This started earlier that year and the changes in social structure involving these church groups would cause me to make decisions in my life that were hard.
In addition to the challenges, I also had some great opportunities. I went to a group of people who I never met in my life. I cut off most of my connections from the past and I was able to embrace the future. Some of the people I met in the dorms were the type of people that I would never have hung out with in high school. There were some hard decisions to be made in a short time, but there was some hope in shaping my future. My future went in an entirely different direction than was intended.
My expectation was that I was to be baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I was to be fully immersed in that group of people. At the same time, I was to gradually leave my involvement in the Catholic Church group. At the time, I continued to have problems in the Catholic group and my relationship with the Mormon group was on the rise.
The reality of my situation when I moved up to Boulder was much different. The Catholic group became better with the absence of most of the people that I was previously involved with left along with all the problems. At the same token, the Mormon group that was on the rise in Littleton suddenly left with my moving to a new town. All the positive things that came with the Mormons vanished as well. This situation was compounded by another conflict that I encountered with the new group of people I was now interacting with on a daily basis.
I grew up in a town that had some fairly conservative values and was involved with groups that shared those values and I was fairly narrow minded and conservative up to this point. I went into Boulder and I encountered a group of people that were free thinking and free spirits. They were very liberally minded and this mindset challenged me socially in new ways. I went from being part of a group that attended church on Sundays to being the only one in a dorm of 500 who did so. Without the foundation of social scenes, the involvement in churches gradually diminished.
This new social change and the subsequent isolation of my interests caused my interests to change. I realize now that I was heavily influenced in going to church as a result of the social group that I was a part of. As someone who did not belong in a social scene in the first place, I found refuge socially in a church group because of their attitude and the solidarity found. I realize now that doctrine came secondary, and the changes that I found in the social scene did not change my beliefs and doctrines. My beliefs and my attendance at the Catholic and the Mormon groups were at risk of stopping, and by the end of the year, I was no longer part of either of them.
These social changes were in no doubt in part due to my continuous involvement with those I lived with in the dorm at the time. None of them were religious. Many of them were against religion in general. Many of them, though, were very spiritually minded and they influenced me to think more spiritually, and not in a religious sense. The move and the divide that came with it caused many changes in my life. Do not fear the consequences that religion put on you. You do not have to be religious to be spiritual. Many of the most spiritual people were not very religious. I am no different. The religious side of me died because I realized that it was because of the people and not because I truly believed it. I don’t think I actually believed in the Catholic faith looking back on it, nor did I probably believe in the Mormon faith either. Elements of both of these religions influenced what I believe in to this day. The move and divide broadened my horizon and initiated the change that was brewing in me for the previous year. It turned out to be a good thing, but I did not think in August 2011 that this would be the result of a simple move 40 miles to the north of the place I grew up in.
ENTRY 39: THE TWO RELIGIONS OCTOBER 2011
Going into college, I was still actively involved in two very different churches. I fully intended on continuing my involvement in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Catholic Church. I went into Boulder with the full intention of making the full conversion to the Mormon Church and the eventual tapering off from my involvement. This was no doubt because of my active relationship with Alaina at the time.
In Littleton, things in the Catholic Church died down long ago from the fiasco with Kelly and her family, but I still was very much hurt and affected negatively as a result. I also became disillusioned with the Catholic faith in general. As it turns out, I extracted all that I could from it and it felt a little archaic for my tastes. My involvement in the Mormon Church changed my beliefs such that I could not go back and accept things that the Catholic Church took seriously. There are certain dogmas and doctrines that did not make sense to me and I would never end up believing in them again.
In the Mormon Church, however, things were on the up and I was actively involved in a relationship. I started to believe in things that the Mormons believed in and I was actively involved and became more involved as time went on. I had a good time with the Mormons and I fully intended on going all the way with their requirements. I came so close, but I had to wait until I left for Boulder.
When I came to Boulder, however, things changed. I left all the bad vibes from the Catholic Church and I experienced a new group of people that would help me in my freshman year. On the other hand, I left all the good things and the good group involved with the Mormon Church and I came to a group of people that I was not all that familiar with. Each of the churches involved took a complete 180. What was a bad group became good and what was a great group became undesirable to me. It was not the people, but it was the nature of each of these groups that changed.
Over time, my intentions changed. I first left the LDS Church because of the nature of the group and the pressure by the missionaries. Later, though, I left the Catholic Church too because the things I learned as a result of the Mormon influence would not be able to be reconciled with the Catholic faith. There were just some things that I believed that would not go away and there were some things that the Catholic Church believed that I would not be able to believe again. These two faiths would not be able to be reconciled and I made a decision over the past year that would enable me to go beyond religion in general.
Because of the feud of the two religions, I faced another feud in my life, which would be the general feud between religion and spirituality. I found out many things about religion by being involved in two different religious faiths. I found the faults in religion in general because of the shortcomings of each of the faiths. Because of these conflicts, I decided to leave religion in general because of these things. There are some things that religion is unable to answer on its own. I obtained a lot of knowledge through the learning of religion and there are a lot of things that I could only have learned through experience.
The conflict of the two religions is the ultimate reason that I decided to leave religion in general. This was a tumultuous time in my life and it caused the beginning of the end for me. Because of this conflict, I went up to Crooked Creek Ranch again with another church group I was interested in being a part of for a short time. It was worth I, though, because I was able to have my second vision in September while on a weekend retreat in Fraser. I was able to escape the influence of both religions so that I would be able to decide how to take my next step.
I decided to ask as to what I would be able to do going forward. I had to ask between Catholicism and Mormonism, religion and spirituality, and my past and my future. After my second vision, I became friends with people who were not religiously involved, which also caused the end of my relationship with Alaina as a result of leaving the LDS Church. The influence of new friends would also cause me to leave the Catholic Church.
This is the weakness of religion. This is why I do not recommend religion. Religion causes many people to lose sight of their spirituality. There are many social problems with religion, but I think having religion provides a strong sense of foundation and the exploration of religion would advance spirituality to a point which would cause people to leave religion for good.
Religion is not revealed as truth for us to follow. Religion is a perfectly natural and human reaction and answer to a question that we will most likely not be able to answer. The things that people fear the most are questions such as where did I come from?, what is my purpose?, and what will happen after I die? We will most likely not answer these questions, but religion provides many humans with hope for these questions.
Religion is for those who are afraid of hell and spirituality is for those who have already been there. I have been through hell many times and I have been hurt many times in my life. I experienced my second vision and I saw that religion was not always the answer for me. The conflict of the religions became more than just a conflict between denominations, but it became a conflict between religion and spirituality. It was something that defined my life and it was something that defined the relationships I had with every person who was actively involved in my journey. As it turns out, I went to these groups because of the social interactions that I made with these groups, the doctrines became secondary.
ENTRY 40: THE ATTACK OF WORDS OCTOBER 2011
At the beginning of my freshman year of college, many changes came into my life that I was not used to seeing. Between all the new friends and the adjustment to a college culture, the clash of two religions as the result of me moving up was a lot to handle. Not only was I in conflict as to what I wanted to do in my life, I was also bombarded by new ideas that would challenge what I knew before. I grew up in a world that was the same, but now I came into a world at the beginning of college that was completely new to me.
I left a life that was relatively closed compared to Boulder was. The primary source of my social life in Littleton came from work or church, but it was more at church than anything. In Littleton, I had a plan to convert to Mormonism because it was the direction my path in life was going at the time. I did not think that things were going to get any better among the Catholics and life among the Mormons was on the rise at an exponential rate. I did not know that things could change so much going into college.
The first and most obvious conflict was among those of the two church groups I was involved with. At the time of me coming up to Boulder, I was just about ready to be baptized into the Mormon faith and I was looking forward to it and a long relationship with the Mormon friends I forged in Littleton. Not only did none of them go to Boulder, the group was much more alien and much smaller than it was in Littleton.
The second conflict was a new phenomenon that came when I came to Boulder in the first place. Many of the people that I interacted with on a daily basis came from the dorm in which I stayed in. None of the people that I interacted with were religious in the very least, in fact, there were many people that I interacted with that were against religion for one reason or another. Although I came to a life that was full of new things, my mindset did not catch up and I intended to go down the same path at first.
The war on words started with the attack on my intentions to join the LDS Church. There were people who were against this idea even before I went up to Boulder, but then I went up to Boulder and things became different. The moods of the Catholic Church and the LDS Church in my mind completely changed because of what happened in the transition. Losing all the bad baggage that came from the Catholic Church in Littleton and seeing all the good baggage leave from the LDS Church between Littleton and Boulder helped out a lot in putting a stop to the path that I wanted to go down. The pressure from groups increased to not join the LDS Church and that part of my plan eventually became delayed before ending altogether. It caused me to lose a good friend, but it also brought about other issues that could not be reconciled.
I took away a lot of beliefs that I hold to this day from my time with the Mormons, but these beliefs could not be reconciled with the Catholic Church. I quickly realized that the future I had was not based in a religious group or within a religion. I realized many things about religion and my time in it that caused me to ultimately leave. It was not a matter of me being angry at it or the group, it just came to a point where I no longer needed it. I had passed a point in which I would be better off without such a group. This was the catalyst in which I would start a renewal in my life and which I would seek a true group of people to belong with.
Although I saw these attacks on my beliefs as attacks, I came to see them as a blessing in disguise. It was a catalyst into seeing what I was doing wrong in life. Although I did not want my beliefs to change, the people that I interacted with always had the best intentions for me. I could defend my beliefs all day, but the way I was presenting myself to the world was not in a way that I would be able to present myself. My actions were wrong and people were out for my best interests by encouraging me to do things that would not be in the norm for me.
This situation was not the only situation in which there was a conflict of interest that was actually for the best. It seemed as though that everything that happened up to this point was for the best interests of my life. It was not only about the people that I loved and their interests, them getting away from me would be good for me too. It was not that I was a bad person, it was because there were better things destined for me. It was a realization that I got out of them all that I wanted at the point that they left my life. They did not leave my life because I was horrible. They left my life because I got everything out of them individually, even if I didn’t immediately know it at the time. I would later do this with Sara. Once I got everything I would be able to get out of her, I took her out of my life knowing that it was what was best for me and for her. I got everything I could learn from her.
Sometimes you just know when you don’t need someone in your life anymore. Sometimes you just know when you have learned all that you can from someone. When people leave your life, it is not that they hate you, it is just that they have moved on to better things. That gives you a catalyst to do something better for yourself too. The end of a friendship is almost never mutual, so when that close friend leaves your life, it means that it is time for you to do that too. You can apply this same thinking to groups that you join and leave. Don’t be afraid of change. There is something better for you out there, even if it is with people that you thought you’d never be friends with.
ENTRY 41: THE NEW ANGELIC ERA OCTOBER 2011
The people that I called Guardian Angels before college were not the same as the ones that I called Guardian Angels after I went to college. The people I hung around and become attracted to when I went to college were not the people I would have hung out with in high school. There are many differences between the ones in high school and the ones in college.
This new era was full of new experiences and new opportunities to learn more. Off the knowledge I gained as a result of the second vision, I started to go away from the religious era and embraced a group of people who were not involved in a church group and who were not involved in the religious sense. What they had in abundance and what I unfortunately lacked at this point was spirituality. The focus was to become more spiritual and less religious.
I first encountered Samantha and Miranda within a short time. They were the primary two at this point. Both of them are actually Catholics by birth, but they were not active. I tried my best to make them more active and they did not budge very well. They did promise to do so at some point, but it was not anything that materialized.
I tried to change them and they would not budge. I look back on it and I realized that it was wrong for me to change them. They were very honest and sincere at the time despite their lack of activity in the church life. They were not actively involved, but they were open to it. I look back on it now and I realize that it was something I did not embrace at the time. I did not understand that the best friends I would ever had would be ones that were not involved religiously, but they were very spiritually inclined. This is something that I would embrace by the end of the year and would propel me to a point that I call “beyond religion”.
At this point, I had been through the roughest hell many times and I was starting to get worn out from all the rejections I faced. I did ask them both out at times throughout that year, but they did not react warmly to my gestures. I did learn many things through them though. Their attitude and their outlook on life influenced me the most. This is similar to the pattern made by the Guardian Angels earlier. They did not actually make my life better physically, but their influence came to me in an emotional and spiritual way.
Samantha influenced me because of her own trials in life. From what I know about her life, she had a long and arduous life with many tragedies and choices that were not the best for her. I saw through that and I saw the warm interior that she showed me from her hard exterior. It turns out that she had a heart of gold and she was a very genuine friend towards me. Although we never usually saw one another on equal terms, I learned a lot about myself and my place in life from her. She taught me how to control my emotions and vices and to practice my virtues.
Unlike Samantha, I saw Miranda on more equal terms. She did not have the hard life that Samantha had, but she did help me to apply these things to my life. This is why there are four Guardian Angels of Philadelphia and this is why each of them appears in the order that they did. This is the definition of the New Angelic Era. Miranda saw things in a practical way and she helped me to apply these things in a way that was better for me than the traditional religious instruction was for me. She was not all that religious, but she was the most spiritual of the Guardian Angels of Philadelphia.
Later, I met Sarah and Nicole, who helped me to further my advancement from religion into spirituality. Sarah would help me bring me down to earth through her down to earth personality. Sarah would also come to me after my transition away from Mormonism. She is also Jewish, which helped me to further my distance from religion in general. It also helped me to spark my interest in more spiritual and esoteric things.
Nicole would complete my transition to my spiritual side by showing me how to peacefully transition out of the era when the time came. She did not come to me until the month before it would all end, but she taught me a lot in a time when my friendship with the other three were getting strained. Like before, we were good friends at first, but as time went on, they would see the differences and they would leave me. It was mostly my fault, but they had faults too and it caused our lives to branch away from one another.
It was truly a new era because all four of them would teach me how friends would come and go. They also taught me a lot about myself and my place in the universe. They would also teach me how I should interact with others as I went through life in this new phase from the religious side of me to the spiritual evolution that I would be going through.
It took the work of four to teach me what one of them at a time were unable to teach me up to that point. Their influence on my life remains unmatched because of the process that I went through in understanding how my relationships with others and with the wider world would affect my life and my place in it.
Although I am not friends with them today, I still admire their influence, their good nature, and their friendship in my life for a short period of time. It was not their immediate impact on my life that taught me the most, but it was the lessons I learned through my interactions with them for a year. It is similar to many of the stories of the prophets and Christs of every culture and era. We need to see what the lessons in every story are and we need to figure out how to apply them to our lives and our context. This is their legacy and it brought me to the place I am at today.
ENTRY 42: THE STRIKES AND REVERSALS NOVEMBER 2011
At the beginning of my freshmen year of college, my world was rocked because of all the changes that were happening. At the time, I was beginning to question the future of my life because of the changes that I saw around me. It would be these changes that would cause me to not join the LDS Church and would eventually lead to my departure. What happened that caused this change to come into my life? At the beginning of my time in the dorms, it was the fact that I reacted in a negative way to my situation and the world reacted to me in term.
I was still very religious at the time and I was entering into a world that was not religious and not friendly to religion. At the time, I was thoroughly indoctrinated in Catholic and Mormon theology and practice and I had all the intention in the world to be a Mormon because of the support and encouragement I found in that church before. I knew at the time that they would be in full support of my conversion and they would guide me to those steps. It was different in Boulder. It was much different.
In Boulder, the people that I associated with were not friendly with the Mormon Church and the Mormon theology. It was easy for them to see the falsity of the religion and I eventually knew that it would be the right choice for me to not join. I did not have any support and I decided against it because of the changing friendships I was getting. It was also easy for me because it is something that I was never completely committed to. I wanted to join the LDS Church because it was my support structure at home. When I entered Boulder, it was no longer the case.
Getting away from the Catholic Church would be a little harder for me and it would be something that would take much longer. At first, I encouraged those around me, especially the lapsed Catholics, to come with me because I wanted to be with them. It was clear to me as time went on that it would not be the case and it would be the beginning of the end of my time with the Catholic Church. I would leave it because of a combination of changing theology, internal conflicts, and external factors that would lead me away from the life I knew for many years before.
The power of the influence of other people would bring me to and away from religion over the course of many years. It would be those around me that would cause me to enter and exit from these churches and groups. It would be the strikes in my life to my heart that would change the direction of my life forever. It would be the strikes and the reactions that I have to these events that would change the course of my life and who I associate with.
The strikes in my life come to me in a variety of ways. Some of these strikes came to me as conversion moments when I reflected on my spiritual life and made a decision to change. I had three of them over the course of my journey. Some strikes came to me as the backlashes of buildups initiated by both sides that would cause the end of friendships and the thoughts that I had to change my life into a different direction. Some came about as a result of societal pressures to help me to fit in, but it ended up helping me grow as well.
The reversals were the things that came about as a result of the strikes. The reversals were the reactions to them. Sometimes, I reacted by not doing anything but move on and forge ahead. Sometimes, I reacted by giving in and adapting myself to the changing conditions, learning something about myself at the same time. The biggest reversals for me, and perhaps at the root of all the reversals, would be that I would go down a new path that would cause me to make a good decision. It would be those decisions that would change my life in new and unexpected ways.
These strikes and reversals are a lot like the actions and reactions of the life of any individual. Just like how for every action, there is a reaction, for every strike, there is a reversal. This is just the way life is and there is nothing you can do to change that fact. Even doing nothing is a reaction to the action. These reversals or reactions would certainly cause more actions and strikes to come up. It is just the path that life would take no matter what those details are.
I had many of these actions and reactions on my journey and it is what defines all the paths I took and all the decisions I made. There was no way for me to get around it. Every reaction I had brought about more actions and drove my life along at an ever increasing pace. The key to controlling your life is to control your reactions and hope for the kind of future actions that you would like to have. This is the meaning of having goals in your life. Think about the kind of actions you want to happen to you in the future. Think of what you need to react to and how you want to react to that. That is the definition of setting goals and coming up with a plan.
Things did not always work out the way I wanted them to in the past. That is the risk of making goals and going out to set those goals. Do not give up on your hopes and dreams. Go out for what your dreams are now and you may find something along the way that is a little better. Your life goes in unexpected directions at unexpected times and you may or may not enjoy it, but that is the nature of life. That is what I learned. Take risks in your life because the end is always better than what it was before. The light is always brighter at the end of the tunnel.
ENTRY 43: GOOD DEEDS NOVEMBER 2011
One of the best things that you can do in your life is to do good for other people. It is one of the great purposes of the universe and of our life. We should always do good, never do bad, and seek the truth always. Doing good for the sake of other people is one of the greatest honors that you can receive. Although you should always do right for the sake of improving your own life, you need to think of yourself in the context of the world that you are in and doing good for the sake of other people is doing good for yourself as well.
When I was spending time in the dorms in the freshman year of my college years, I learned fully of the power of doing good for the sake of others. One of the great qualities about myself is that I have always done good deeds and have always tried to help out other people. In the past, the intentions were a lot different. In the past, I was doing good for other people so that I could benefit in my own life and that I could get what I most wanted.
When I was in the dorms, however, this shifted to doing good because it would lead people to me and it would make people appreciate me much more. By the end of that year, I had felt like I was being taken advantage of. One of the things that you have to watch out for is that you should not be too nice and forgiving, but you should not be closed and mean and you should not do good deeds in vain. Many people fail to recognize and understand when good things are good and when they are bad in the end.
People will take advantage of your goodness. When you are nice to someone, you expect something to come back to you, even if you do not intend to have it. I expected friendships to improve and relationships to improve over my niceness. That happened for a time, but it did not last long after I left the dorms. After that time, I felt like they took advantage of me and that proved to me that there will always be people in the world who will take advantage of you. If you find yourself in that situation or you are a person who does that too often, think about it.
If you are one of those people who take advantage of the nice people like me, think about what happened when I was in the dorms with Miranda, Samantha, and Sarah. They were nice people, but they did not think about me in the end and they left me. Sure, I made some mistakes, but the hope was that somebody would give me a chance and see me as more than just a person that gave things and favors away to others. When somebody gives something to you, you should always give back, even if they say they don’t.
On the other hand, you should not do nice things for the sake of your own gains. You should not do nice things with the expectation that something good will come back to you. The Christs taught about this aspect of life and that they should not expect good to come to you. Life does not work that way and it is up to us to come up with our own means of happiness. We would want people to give us good things for the good that we do to others. This is the law of karma.
What is the means of good deeds then? And what is the way that we should expect when we are doing good deeds? We should do good no matter what because it is one of our purposes in life. We should do good without hesitation and without expecting anything in return. As a result of this selfless act, we improve the life of other people and we improve our own lives as well. We are given a better sense of well-being and other people are improved for future generations.
In return of the good that is done for us, not just because it is the law of karma or because we should have to, we should do good in return because of the fact that a chain of good would start among all the people of the world and everyone could live a better life. We should do it to those who have done good to us and we should do it to those who have not done good to us. We should love our friends and our enemies. We should do good to our friends and our enemies. We will make the world a better place for all.
We all need something in life. The thing that I need the most in my life is friends and that is the thing that I have the most trouble with having. I do good deeds because I want to have friends in return. That is a hard thing to do because I do not want people to take advantage of me and I do not want to think that I am buying friends, but the fact is that I just need people to be nice to me in the end and I do that by being nice to them first and give them what they needed the most.
Doing the most good in the world is the best thing that you can do. We should always strive to do good things to others because it is the right thing to do and we should give to people what they need the most. We need to help out those people because we all need help with things in our life. We all struggle with certain things in our life and we all look to other people for the sake of doing good things. We should do it with no expectations and without hesitation. We should return the good favor with good things.
ENTRY 44: THE CURSE AND TRIALS DECEMBER 2011
For the longest time in my life, I felt like I had a curse. I went through one person after another person and I felt like at some points in time that it was not worth it. Even though I was in High School at the time of many of these heartbreaks, I took all my friendships and relationships very seriously and I was heartbroken whenever it was not to be. I felt like it was a curse because I saw that people around me were much happier than I was at the time because of the social relationships that many of the people around me had.
I felt like I was under a curse because I had all these bad things happen to me at one point or another. I also felt like I was always on trial because I always thought that all of these bad things were my fault completely. I did not know until this point at time that things were not what they appeared to me on the surface. There are always two sides to any story and I saw that the people around me were sometimes just as miserable as I was. I just did not see it.
I made my emotions known and very vocal. The fact that I write things down and that I can learn from these experiences that other people did not have was almost a blessing in disguise. I did not know it at the time either, but the fact that I would take these experiences and learn from them made each person that came through my life easier and easier to get over. Many of my peers seemed to be happier than me at the time, but the reality was much starker and I learned that the people around me were going through many of the things that I was going through at the time.
So if the curses were really blessings at the time, then the trials were learning experiences for me. When bad things happened in my life, I do not see them as the trials that I saw them as before. It was not until this time in my life that I would look back on all the things that I learned up until then through the people and places that I experienced. At the time, I was devastated at the loss of a friend or the end of a relationship. I reacted to it and I eventually got over it through some very hard decisions and sleepless nights. It was not until this time that I would take this and learn all that I can so that my wisdom could increase.
I took many of these learning experiences and I saw the bad in the good and the good in the bad. Life is not all black and white. There are many bad things in life and there are many good things in life. All of these times would allow me to learn something new or to expand on the knowledge that I already had.
Many people throughout life do not see the good in the bad or the bad in the good. One of the great downfalls of humanity is taking the good things for granted and getting stuck in the bad times. The bad times for many people become so bad that they attempt to end it all, and many succeed. There were good and bad times even in the most perfect of human beings, the Christs. They have shown us through example that you can get through the bad times and be happy and grateful for the good times. It is all about emotions at the right times.
As time went on through my own journey, I saw the bad in the bad and the good in the good. I was one of those people that took the good times for granted and thought that the bad times were the end of the world. As I went through my freshman year of college, I started to understand my own faults and I started to realize that the key to happiness is to control the emotions and desires to get to what you actually want in life and to get to what really matters in life.
The Christs were the only people to master this control. The prophets clearly tried to control their emotions and sometimes they succeeded and sometimes they failed. I am no different in my life. As I went through my life and I experienced these people and these events, I learned over time how to control my emotions so that they did not get the best of me. I do not take the good times for granted completely. I still lose a little control to that because of the way that I am personally. I do not dwell on the bad things because it is an easy thing to get over in a general sense. Sometimes it is harder than other times, but I do not have nearly the same level of problem that I did not in the past.
In the beginning, I felt like that I was the only one who was facing these problems and that I was the one that was always placed on trial. This curse and these trials became evident to me as an event as I approached my freshman year of college and that they were not what they appeared to be. I thought for a long time that I was the only one going through this. I was wrong. I also thought that I was cursed and that I was always the one that was on trial. Again, I was wrong with that. What I thought was bad actually had some good in that and what I thought was good actually had some bad in that. That is what is taught by the Christs the world over and the central part of the Taoist philosophy. That is also a reality of the life we live in and the reality of the people that succumb to the emotions of the earth.
ENTRY 45: RISE AND CONQUER DECEMBER 2011
There are times in the life of every individual where one may be so brought down that it seemed as though that they would not be able to get back up. Although hope may seem lost to that individual, there is hope for everyone in life, no matter how low things seem at the moment. In the down times, you have to be the strongest. In the down times, you have to rise and conquer those emotions and you can do that through your own sheer will. There have been many times in my own life where things seem down and hope seems lost. I got through them and I am more self-disciplined and aware of the world than I was previously.
At this time in my life, Alaina left my life because of the fact that I would not join the LDS Church. My not joining was the justification for her to stop having a friendship and relationship with me. That was the end of it. There was no going back. I would not be able to say that I was wrong. The only reason we had any sort of relationship was because of my interest in joining the LDS Church. Her entire purpose, it seemed, was to bring me into the fold that she was a part of.
I was very depressed. I was not only leaving what I considered to be a great friendship at the time, I also left a group of people that was so instrumental in my senior year of high school and was of such great support that I would not be where I am now without them. I left the Mormon group because I lost all that mattered to me in that group when I went to Boulder. It was hard for me to make that decision because the one person that I did not want to leave me was the first person to leave and it was without saying a word. She just left my life. She just got away.
In times of depression, I had to go through my life and I still had to move on. It seemed as if all hope was lost and I found it very hard in the beginning to try and move on. It is through the weakest times in your life that you have to be the strongest. It may seem impossible, but life will always get better if you can see the actions and reactions. Controlling your emotions when life does not work in the way you want it is the best way to get through life.
The conquering of those emotions and rising above the depression that life sticks you with is the best way to reaching enlightenment. The Christs did not let their emotions get to them when life brought them ill times. They reacted and had emotions that were totally contrary to what was expected by a normal emotional response of a human being. The prophets were less successful at controlling their innate emotions, but many stories brought forth describe these efforts to try and be something that is not the norm.
Doing something that is out of the ordinary will have a major impact on your life. People expect you to be a normal person and have a normal life and to do normal things. You should try as much as possible to not do that. Being normal in life is something that you should never strive for. Your extraordinary efforts may or may not inspire others, but you will have a much more fulfilling life because of it. It was this experience with the Mormons that I was inspired to write my own history and started me down a path of writing.
Life is not without the bad times. People don’t think much about the bad times in life and they go on without gaining wisdom. These people will make the same mistakes time and time again and they will get caught up in all the ways of the world. They will not achieve much without luck. You should not rely solely on luck to get you to where you want to be. Life does not hand you a good life on a silver platter. Great people become great by learning from their mistakes and gaining this wisdom. It is never easy to achieve and it is something that is not guaranteed to you.
I am not looking for life to come to me with good things. I understand that I have to work for these things on my own and I cannot wait for the bad times to come either. Sometimes, bad things happen to you because you need to learn something. Good things come to you because it teaches you to apply these lessons and to give you a chance for a better life. Most people take this for granted and they make mistakes because they don’t learn anything.
The great tragedy of life is that someone will not make an impact on the world around them and they will not make the world a better place. It is imperative for us to leave a positive impact on the world. It is imperative for us to leave an example that is worth following. This is the life of a minority of people and that is because we let our emotions get over our ability to learn from our mistakes and our experiences.
When I learned that Alaina had left me because I would not join the LDS Church, she had felt that she failed as a person because she did not achieve her goal. Despite all the letters she sent me, the love she gave me, and the support she provided for me, she would not be successful at her goals. I want to tell her that she did something to make me a better person. I learn from everyone that comes into my life and leaves my life and I use this experience so that I can improve on the people who come and go in my future.
ENTRY 46: MANIPULATION DECEMBER 2011
There have been many people and groups that influenced my life over the years. I belonged to groups of people and was associated with other people of very diverse backgrounds and beliefs and it helped to shape the beliefs that I had today. These people had some very good intentions for me, but they also had a set of doctrines and beliefs that I would never see myself in today and they go to me at an impressionable age and manipulated my beliefs to what they are today. The belief systems that I was exposed to over the years shaped my beliefs today.
The Mormon and the Catholic Churches has obvious belief systems because of their statuses as religions. There are many inherent problems with religion of this day and age and it caused me many hardships. Many of the people that I experienced in this Church were because of the social groups that it provided. I was included in that grouping and I never realized it until I was outside religion.
I entered the Catholic Church because of Shannon. I admit that I did it because of the people that I interacted with and the group that was a part of the Catholic Church was large. I did not care so much about the doctrines and beliefs than I was about the people that were involved in it. I was never a good Catholic. I was just in it for the group solidarity and the people in the groups.
It is important to be a part of a group, but being in a group because of the people is not the right way to go. This was something that I learned over time. You should join any group for the group and not for the people. I joined groups that manipulated my thoughts over time and it caused me to become the person that I am today.
I don’t think that people mean to manipulate us, but it is a fact of life because of the way that the world around us will react. I have been in many situations where I observed the brainwashing of people that I used to know and love once I was able to come out of the realm of religion and into the realm of spirituality. I was able to see what many of the people that I used to call my friends and my lovers went through and believed in. Living in a life that is bogged down by religion is not the way to go through life.
I am not saying that religion is bad. If it was not for religion, I would not have had any foundation upon which I would base my life off of today. Religion was a way for me to be able to build a foundation and to expand on it. Much of what I believe is based largely off of Catholicism, which was my foundation, and Mormonism, which was a religion that greatly influenced my life off of too.
It is not only worth it to find a religion to be your foundation, but it is also necessary to learn about other religious traditions. I base my beliefs off of various religions such as Buddhism, Islam, New Age, and over thirty other traditions into a sort of belief system that I believe in to this day. It is also a religion that is unique to me and cannot be experienced in the exact same way as other people. Other people do not believe in my religion, but many other people fail to understand the implications of what they believe in.
My mother identifies herself as a Catholic. She does not participate actively in any of the ceremonies and prayers, but she identifies as such anyways because of what her foundation was. She was also an individual that went through a lot and also studied other religions, but she still identifies herself as a Catholic. I would meet another young Catholic named Katie, who I would later fall in love with. She identifies herself as a Catholic as well but she does not believe in everything about that religion. This is not only a Catholic phenomenon, but it is a religious phenomenon. Everyone should be able to believe in what they want to and everyone should live in a way that reflects their beliefs. It is unfortunate that many people are religious without being religious or spiritual. You should seek a spiritual life first and then you should seek a religion that has the most of what you believe. In an ideal world, there would be billions of religions based off the beliefs of each individual based on their own journey. It is also worth it to be a part of multiple groups of people that share the same interests that you do. They don’t have to be religious in nature, but you should be passionate about it too.
Spirituality and Religion goes hand in hand. Spirituality is an individual endeavor and religion is a group endeavor. When you understand that you need spirituality to get the most out of religion and that you need religion to understand the fullness of your spiritual potential. When spirituality and religion do not work together, you have a false religion in the sense that they are not out for your best interests. Many people are stuck in the foundational phase of their religious life. Many people fail to not only understand other religions, but they fail at taking steps to be immersed in an area that would be unique and different to them in their experiences. When you learn about new doctrines that challenges you, it is up to you to think about it and decide what is truthful. Your experiences will result in your discovery that everything you believe is not exactly what everyone else believes and what your religion teaches as truth.
When I went through these experiences, I was being brainwashed for a time, but I found my way and found my way out. I do not feel that the people I interacted with throughout my life are brainwashed, but I felt that they failed to see beyond the foundations that they were used to and that they were scared of going outside. In order to truly experience the world, you have to have a good foundation in a religious tradition and to build on your spirituality with other religions, other groups, and your own experiences.
ENTRY 47: WISDOM DECEMBER 2011
Wisdom is one the most powerful tools that you can have in your life. Wisdom can only come to you when you understand the implications of the experiences that you had in your life and the people that you interact with. You will not fully realize this until much later in your experiences as you look back on them. I did not come to understand wisdom until I started my freshman year of college. I did not fully understand it until I started writing about these experiences in a book at the end of the year. The process through my freshman year of college was the beginning of wisdom.
What is the nature of wisdom? The bigger question would be when can you get wisdom and how can you get wisdom? The hardest part about wisdom is the process of receiving it. Although everything that you see in life can be applied in a way that allows you to understand wisdom, many people pass up the events in life and they do not really understand wisdom as it is. The process of getting to wisdom is a hard one and it requires a deliberate effort to understand the reasons for events that happen in your life.
Going back to relive events can sometimes be a bad thing. There are many instances where it can be a good thing and it has proven to be useful in the lives of every person. Many people do not come to wisdom until they are either really old or near death, and that is the waste of the life of an individual. Learn while you’re young so that you have the energy to inspire change in yourself and in others around you. My process to understanding wisdom resulted in the loss of many friends and many groups that I was involved in for a long time.
Over the course of my freshman year of college, the front that I built up over the previous years was starting to be torn down. I was encountering ideas and concepts that challenged the very foundation of my beliefs. I encountered a different kind of person and group and the people that I would not associate with in the past would be the very same people that I would live with for a year. The fact that I fell for some of those people made it so that I would change my views on the people that I shunned before.
I learned a lot from the people that I shunned in the past. I rejected a lot of people in the past because I wanted to be associated with certain types of people and that caused a lot of missed opportunities. There came a point in time after Kelly came and went that I decided to explore some groups of people that were outside the group of the Catholic Church. The exploration of those new groups would help me to understand what lie for me in the future with my interaction with many groups of people.
The Christs taught of wisdom through their own experiences. Many of the teachings that they taught came from stories that they told, and that is what knowledge is. True wisdom came to them, and by extension to the rest of us, through things that they experienced. These experiences are written down for us to understand and apply to our life, but we still cannot look at true wisdom in our life until we are able to understand the experiences and events that occur throughout our life. I did not understand this at first and I only started to realize it as soon as I was exposed to the new experiences.
Wisdom is an acquired skill that you gain in life. You cannot understand yourself or the universe around you until you are in a situation that requires you to go and see what the past can tell you about the future. When you are in a situation that requires you to understand another person that is much different than you are in a deeper way, you learn a little bit about yourself. When you experience a traumatizing event in your life, you will learn about yourself also. Every action and reaction in life will allow you to understand yourself more fully.
When I was going through my time in the dorms with the people that I interacted with, I started to understand their side and their world. I also started to truly understand myself as an individual and my true place in the universe. I was also starting to realize just how built up my world was and what the reality of the world is. The world is not like the Catholic Church or the Mormon Church groups that I grew up in and developed in spiritually. It is a world with a variety of people and a variety of views and you have to adapt to any situation that you are in.
Wisdom is the beginning of the highest plane of consciousness in our life. When we understand fully the world around us and ourselves in a full way, we will have the intuition that other people do not have. Many people will go through life without any wisdom and without understanding the world that they live in and it is a travesty that so many lives are lost and wasted. The talent of all of us can change the world and our animalistic nature would not allow that to happen.
I did not understand this wisdom until my freshman year of college. As I started to gain more understanding of this wisdom, I was able to see the lack of wisdom in the people around me and it was important for me to help people to understand themselves and the world around them. It is the impetus for all the work in the world that I do today. I have become so influential in this regard that I continue to learn things from my own writings. I am the biggest influence on my life and the biggest inspiration of my life. You should do the same in your own life.
ENTRY 48: LOYALTY DECEMBER 2011
Loyalty is an important principle and an important characteristic in many of the virtues that are necessary to have a good life. Loyalty is faithfulness to a person or idea. Throughout my freshman year of college, I went through many changes in my life that caused me to change my views completely. When I was changing, I experienced different types of loyalty from the people around me. There were people who became disloyal. There were others, however, who became more loyal in my life. There were even more people who I thought were loyal to me but had left as soon as they could. There were a variety of external and internal factors that led to these changing loyalties and that led to many lessons learned and many thoughts about the minds of others.
One of the most surprising lessons that I learned early on in the year was the closed-mindedness of one of my best friends. I decided early on that I would leave my interest in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because of changing groups, conflicting doctrine, and conflicting interests. Once I became disinterested, however, Alaina left my life pretty fast. It was at that moment that I learned of her true intentions and brought to mind the loyalties of some of my other friendships.
Alaina, like many Mormons I have come across, are very devoted to their church. This devotion and the closed-mindedness that comes with it is one of the reasons why she was an avenue for me to learn about being diligent. She was in her own little Mormon world and had no real idea about the world outside. She never made a thought that she may be wrong and her spiritual side is not nurtured. It became clear that she would not be my friend once I left my interest in becoming a Mormon. She was not loyal to me and she only wanted to convert me. I question to this day as to her true intentions. It was also a time in my life when I thought about my other friendships at the time and how their loyalties could change because of my changing life.
I was happy to see that many of the people I interacted with at the time of these changes in my life embraced me as I went through this time in my life. I interacted with many people who were more open-minded than I was at the beginning. They encouraged me to ask questions and to embrace change, which I was reluctant to do at the time. I was against them at first, but I slowly changed my ways because I saw the inherent flaws in the things I believed. These people actually warmed up to me more as I warmed up to them more. It was not a bad thing that I was exposed to these ideas. It was actually a good things because I was in a worse place in the world I was in before the changes than I was after the changes.
This taught me many things about what loyalty is. Many people in the past have not been loyal to me before and it caused me a lot of pain and hardship. The friends I had during my freshmen year of college were people that I lived with and interacted with. Part of the reason was because they had to deal with me. These were people who did not know my past, but portions of my past were still a part of me at the time and they saw me through my transition. Many of them were supportive of my transition and many of them helped me along the way through their own examples. I quickly became good friends with people that I would never have hung out with months before.
It was only after I left that year that I would realize that they were actually only my friends because they were interacting with me on a daily basis. I don’t know if they were truly my friends, but their support made me into the type of person that I am today. They were the ones that helped me to become a more authentic person. I learned a lot of lessons that influenced the way I acted and thought.
People will come and go in your life. All of the friends that you make now are not going to be your friends forever. Loyalty is never complete when you are friends and it even extends into family ties and spouses. The only person in the world that you can trust is yourself. You alone know what is best for you if you are able to have the knowhow to understand how the world works. Sometimes you do need support, but you can learn things through knowledge and experience. Understanding the world is the key to happiness. Through this understanding, you will be able to react in a way that allows you to work with what life throws at you and you can make it so the world works in your favor.
Loyalty is something that is important for us as humans. Unfortunately, many people do not understand the concept of loyalty and most people do not appreciate it. We should appreciate loyalty more because it is the key to happiness. I learned many things about loyalty because of all the different types of relationships I have had over the years and all the different types of loyalties I have had over my time with these people that I interacted with. I appreciated all the loyalty that I received over the years and I learned a lot about how to go through life. It is unfortunate that people I interacted with and people were not loyal to me. If there was one thing I wanted from people, it was their loyalty. If there was one thing that I did not lack in my life, it was loyalty. I questioned the loyalties of others over the years, but I have been a very loyal and reliable person for the most part and that has been one of my defining characteristics.
ENTRY 49: LOYALTY DECEMBER 2011
Over the course of many years, I have had many things happen to me that were far outside my control. As humans, we do not like things when they are out of our control. We like to be in control of the world and we like to think that we know everything. We do not. Unfortunately for us, we will never be able to be in control of the world around us totally. Instead of being in control of the world, we can take control of our internal actions and that will allow things to happen differently. The ultimate question remains a question of knowing what to control and how to control our actions.
One of the biggest struggles that I have had to face in my life was the fact that I wanted to make friends, but that was one of the things that always eluded me. Over the course of the years, I also gained and lost many friends, many of which I was not ready to leave. There were many periods in my life where I was not ready to lose the people that did not want anything to do with me. That made things a whole lot worse for my social life.
Some of the hardest falls in my life were Kelly and Shannon. They were among the first people that had left and they are among the best friends that I made. Over time, they lost interest in me and I did not lose interest in them. It was a period in time where I pleaded to have them back. When the time came for me where I realized that they would not come back, I made an effort to move on. It is sometimes very hard for people to move on and that is no different with my life. I survived to this day and it has become easier for me to move on.
Moving on is an important aspect of our life for both sides. For you as the individual, moving on is important because it is healthy for your mind. It is also healthy for the minds of the people that affect you. It is something that we have to do because the alternative for many people is holding a grudge and being mad at the individual for the rest of your life. It is not worth your time to go after people or ideas that will benefit you nothing at the end. This is something that I had to learn the hard way and it was hard for me at first. It got easier with time because of the fact that I learned from the people that came first, especially from Kelly and Shannon.
Before you learn of the nature of moving on and forgiveness in your own life, the struggle to move on is real and the people involved have to understand how important it is to let the people grieve. It is good for our humanity to feel these things sometimes because it helps us to understand important lessons about our humanity and it allows us to understand that we are truly human. I tried many times in the beginning to gain friends back that I lost and I thought that I could have them come back into my life. I thought that it was meant to be and it was not. I did not find this out for myself until many months after. I was not silent in my grief towards the people that I wanted to come back into my life. I let them know and they did know, but they understood that they had to let me go and that I had to learn to let go as well. People move on eventually and breakups are almost never two sided.
In the nature of friendships, friends come and go all the time and close relationships also come and go all the time. I did not understand this at first because I had people around me that entered into relationships and had happy relationships. I had many people around me that had close friends as well. It was hard for someone like me to see that happening because it was something that I had wanted as well. This drove me to some of the best people that I had and some of the biggest losses in my life. Over the course of that time, however, I learned a lot and I saw the true nature of the things that I desired the most. Over this time, I learned that not all relationships last forever, not all people make others happy, and that not all friendships last forever either. I also learned that some of the people that had left my life felt bad for me, thought about me, or they did not understand who I was at the time.
Most of all, I had to learn a lot about myself and my place in the world around me. I sought this end to the means and that brought me to a variety of different people. I had to learn that the people that came and left my life did so for a reason and many did outside of my control. I did not know what to do at first or how to move on at first, but I did learn these things and acquire these skills over time. It was not easy for me to move on, but I did so and it got easier each time.
When your heart wants you to take on a new person in your life, you should go for it. Your heart and your brain will sometimes be at odds and sometimes they will be in sync. When your heart and mind are in sync, that is when you know you have taken a step towards being Christ-like in actions and words. Your heart and your mind do not always agree, however, and that is when you have to look at it from the standpoint of your mind and re-evaluate your position so that your mind and heart can be in sync again. That is the ultimate goal for your harmony of the trinity that lies within you.
ENTRY 50: GRIEF DECEMBER 2011
Grief is an important thing to go through in life. I have gone through many periods in grief in life. Many of these things happened as a result of the people that I lost. I did not know any of the reasons as to why I lost the friends that I did at first and I went through very tough times. Some people in my life were harder to get over than others, but all of them contributed in some way to the grief and depression that I felt because they were all such good friends to me at the time. When I lost those close friends, I felt like I lost a part of my life. I understand that grief is a natural thing to go through, but it is hard for some people.
Grief is what drives people to commit suicide. People think that grief is the end of life. What we have to understand is that life goes through its ups and downs. You will have some good times in life and many people think that it will last forever. Unfortunately, many people realize that they do not want to go through the good times and the bad times come as a shock to the people. Many people think that the bad times are the end and they will do something that is not good to themselves or others. The people around you will understand the cycle of life and they will see the good and the bad times in life. Grief is sometimes good for the individual. Grief will allow the individual to come to terms with their humanity and it will allow the individual to come to their senses in many cases. Grief is a good indicator of the mortality of the individual and it will allow you to understand the true nature of friendships.
Friendships in life come and go. These times of grief are temporary and they will happen many times. I have lost many good friends over the years. Many of my best friends did not stay best friends forever and all of my relationships have come and gone. I did not know why people left my life so often and in many cases I wanted friends to stay in my life. I wanted the people in my life to stay with me because of all the friendships that lasted a long time and the relationships that I saw. I wanted to be happy like the rest of the people around me.
I did not know what to do to keep the friends in life that I wanted. I wanted so badly in the beginning to have close friends and relationships with others. I was only marginally successful in many of these things. I never had the chances that I thought I deserved and I did many things to hurt many people around me. I never thought that I was a bad person, and I made some mistakes, but I always strove to be the best. The only times that I was ever mad at those that I loved were out of desperation and sadness. I was very sad and I took my grief out on others.
The Christs and the Prophets had periods of grief as well. Grief is an important part of who we are because of the emotional benefits that come from it. Grief allows us to clear our minds and set our sights on what is really important. When you are in grief, the things of the word stop mattering and all that really matters are the things that should matter. When I was in times of grief, the only things that I thought about were the people and their well-being. When I thought that I did wrong, I also thought about what I should do to better my own life. It is important for all of us to have grief and to go through the bad times in life.
Grief also allows us to be closer to the divine. The prophets and the Christs were never closer to the divine when the Christs were in suffering. Grief is important for our own life because it is something that happens to all of us. We cannot do anything to escape it. We will all go through these times because it is something that is a part of who we are. As we get older and mature, we will get over friends and we will move on. Friends go because their path in life is different than your path. Leaving the friends in your life is almost never the thought of you or the people that are affected. We will lose these friends and we will go through the grief, but you will go on and life will continue despite what you might think.
The best way to get over the grief is to try and move on. The next step to grief is moving on. You should never forget the people or the events in your life that brought you to where you are today, but you should not dwell on these people or these events. The people or the events that you are grieving about want nothing more for you most of the time. They want you to be able to move on and they recognize that you will be a better person for it. That is something that I have gone through and I have become a better person because of the grief and the experiences.
I do not claim to be perfect. Even the Christs have had moments of humanity. Because of our humanity and our imperfections in life, we will have these times where the things of the world are too much for us. We will go through periods of grief, but you should never let that stop you from remembering what is important and what the people you are grieving about want the most from you in this time of need. I thought that I had perfect times in my life at many times in my life, but they were temporary and it was through this realization that I was able to appreciate the bad times in life as well as the good.
ENTRY 51: THE DIVISIONS DECEMBER 2011
Over the course of my journey, I have had many divisions in my mind and between my heart and mind over decisions that I had to make. Being human, making a decision about some life changing event is something that is very hard to do. It is almost impossible to make this decision alone. This means that many of the decisions that you will make in your life will be influenced by other factors that have almost nothing to do with what you intended. I am no different. I made many decisions over the course of many years that caused me to change my life. There are three primary divisions that drive you to change your life.
The first one is between the two parts of your mind. When I had to make any informed decision, this method was used and it was a source of conflict for me. The decision that I made about leaving the LDS Church and other decisions about leaving religion came through this method. It is important to think about things using your mind and you need to look at all sides of the argument so that you can make an informed decision. All of the political, religious, and other ideological views that I hold come through this method.
The second one is between the mind and the body. When I had to leave a situation that was bad for me socially, I had this decision come to me. When I was in a socially sticky situation, I wanted so badly to inflict pain in a physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual way because of the way that they hurt me at first. I used my mind to think that it was not right to meet fire with fire and my mind won out in the end so that I could leave a situation that I did not want to make worse.
The third, and perhaps the most important one to remember, is between your mind and your heart. I mad this come up in my life when I had to make a decision about those that I cared about the most. I wanted to be happy and I wanted the people around me to be happy, but I knew that I could not do both. In this case, I used my mind to understand what was best for all people and I did not listen to what my heart desired the most.
The underlying theme is that the mind always wins out in the end. The mind wins out over the body and the heart in most cases. The mind is always the most important thing that you can listen to. The mind has a gut feeling about it and it helps us to understand what decision is really important for us. When we are faced with an important decision, we have to consult with our mind and we have to think about the decision that is important for us. The divisions that I had in my mind were always a result of the differences that I had in my heart and body over what my mind wanted.
The Christs understood this and they talked about how the heart, body, and mind should always be in sync much like how the harmony of the trinity must be maintained. The harmony is what bound the Christs together and what made them who they were. They emphasized this fact in the most important aspects of the journey that they were on. They, too, sometimes struggled with the decisions of life and they understood that it would be something that we would all struggle with.
The prophets also recognized this fact. They told us that that we would not succeed. Many of the decisions that were wrong came because the prophets did not have a harmony with the mind, body, and heart. It is so important to think of the decisions that you have to make. Emotional or bodily decisions are almost never the best options. The best options for your life come through your mind after making a very informed decision. When the body and mind and the heart and mind are in sync, the decision has to be the right one.
I have had many of these struggles in my life as well. I did not know what to do most of the time because of the decisions that I made. I thought that one always had to follow your heart. Following your heart can give you good things and they can give you bad things. Basing decisions on your heart are bad for you much like decisions made based on your body. It took me many years of bad decisions in my life and decisions based on my heart and mind to come to the conclusions that things would be a lot different if I made decisions that were made based on my mind.
The best decisions in life are based on your mind. Your mind will be in harmony with your body and your heart and those decisions are most certainly the best to be made. I did not know that I made decisions based on my body and heart until it was already too late. It was my heart that told me to keep going after the people that I should not have gone after and it was my body that told me to retaliate against the people that wronged me and made my life mad.
I am not the only one to come to these decisions. All of the bad things that happened in life are based on the body and the heart. If you think about it, when people do not use logic and reason, good decisions can almost never be made. It is always important for us to make decisions based on what our mind tells us. Our mind will never fail us. Our heart and our body will seek the temporary pleasures in life and the mind will give us perspective on the things that are really important.
ENTRY 52: DELIVERANCE DECEMBER 2011
Deliverance is a part of my life that is important to me. I have been depressed every time with the leaving of friends over the years and the depression that follows. I would not have gone through these hard times successfully if it was not for my times of coming through. Coming through these tough times made me into a stronger individual. I learned the power of this over the course of my journey through the hard times and it was not until the end of my freshman year of college that I would realize the power of it and would go through life with an understanding of deliverance.
Deliverance is a process that helped me to get out of the evil that I was once in. At the beginning of my journey, I suffered from the vices of the world and learned of the virtues one by one over the course of many years. Deliverance helped me to understand the vices that I suffered from and the people that were involved with these vices. I did not know of the vices that I suffered from until I went through a very hard time and I learned of the virtues the hard way.
Many people go through life in an easy way. Many people will go through the motions and will never learn from any of the experiences that they went through. I did not understand the people and the experiences and the power that it had until I was part way through the journey and I did not know of the virtues or the people that truly mattered. I was delivered from the evil of my life many times and I went into times of good, only to be brought into the evil again. I did not think that the experiences I had in my life were so important until after the fact.
The Christs and the prophets recognized that they struggled with the evil of the world. We will all struggle with it and we will all fall into the ways of the world at some point. They tried and succeeded many times at understanding it and not giving in to the ways of the world. Many of us do not think about these things and we will not be able to live a fulfilling life if we do not understand this. The prophets and the Christs were sometimes unsuccessful at the evils that they faced as well.
I have seen the face of evil many times in life and in many forms. I saw the unkindness of the people of the world and I have not been able to understand the ways of the world until long after I lost many friends and hurt many people emotionally. This happened every time I made an emotional decision and I did not think of the consequences at hand. It was also at a time when I was hurt myself and I retaliated and lost sight of the world. We will all get into that position and we will all lose sight.
The ways of the world want us to think on the terms of the world. They want us to think in this way because most of the people in the world do not want us to be happy. All the institutions of the world do not want us to be happy in life and that results in us not being able to be happy in our minds. We do not think that we are ever enough and we look to standards that are not true and too high for most of us to be able to strive for.
The goal is for all of us to be able to set our own standards. We do not need and we should not have to look to others for our happiness and for goals to strive for. We are all different. We do not need to be better than other people at anything in life. We need to set our own goals and standards and we need to constantly strive for them and succeed at them. We need to look to other people and other people will look to us, but you should never try to emulate their life at all.
The other thing that we need to remember is that there is a lot of evil in the world. We will even face this on the institutions that many of us trust. The evil of the world comes from the fact that they are all a part of the society that was created and is running on the imperfect human beings. While all of us have a spiritual side and many of our intentions are well, we can make actions or speak words that do not necessarily reflect that.
The evils of the world permeate our lives as well. We are spiritual human beings, but we are also animalistic human beings. The two natures of our humanity allow us to make good and bad decisions in life. We will go through periods of ups and downs, but we need to remember that when we make mistakes that we learn from them and that forgiveness is shared. We will all make mistakes and we will all ask forgiveness much like forgiveness will be asked of us. Our life is short and we should not waste it on things that will not benefit us anything in the end.
At the end of all of it, we should remember our place in the universe. We will all ask for deliverance from the evil of the world so that we can start anew. Deliverance is something that we should all strive for and to the standards that we set for ourselves. We should not do it for other people. We should do it for our life and for our benefit alone. We will not have a perfect life, but we should not expect our life to be bad either. Life is what you make of it and you are in control of how you choose to live it.
ENTRY 53: THE FOUNDATION JANUARY 2012
Over the course of many years, I have built a foundation and expanded on it from there. The foundation of my life has been built on the people and the experiences that I had and it has been built up over the years of experiences that I have been through, both good and bad, and the people that I have had the honor of sharing a part of my life with. The foundation of your life is important and what you build up from there is important too. It is important because it is the past that will dictate what kinds of decisions we will make in the future and the outcome of those experiences as well.
The foundation of my own life came as a result of my childhood and my upbringing. The friends and the family that I interacted with over a period of many years has molded me into the person that I am today. The biggest change in the foundation of my life came after my first vision in 2009 and the months thereafter. It was really that point in time that helped me into defining who I was on the outside and the inside. Although much has changed since then, the core values that I developed in those months permeate with me today.
My foundation expanded from there through the people that I interacted with and the experiences that I had over the course of many years of having these experiences. The foundation is important the experiences are also important. Many people do not think of these experiences and the people that they interact with. The values that you hold throughout your life are important in terms of the people that you meet and the experiences that you have. The problem with the world is that the people do not think that the experiences and the people that they interact with are important for their future. Many people do not have the mindset to think about these things and they will go on to make the same mistakes over and over again. The other problem is that many people will look to the things of the world for a foundation and they will take on a mindset of that of the world. Both of these things are wrong because it will lead to bad decisions on the short life that you have and the death that can come so suddenly.
Many people do not think about the experiences that they have. The friends that you make and lose throughout your life are the most important people to build up the beliefs that you hold and will influence the kind of person that you become. Your parents and family are important for your basic foundation, but children are impressionable and it is the people that you befriend in the schoolyard and in other community engagements that are important in shaping you into the person that you are. Choose wisely as to the type of people that you associate with because that will shape you and give you example in life.
The other big problem is that people will look to the world for a foundation for their life. Their friends in the schoolyard make them into the type of person that they are and they will go on and influence others. There are many ways that the people of the world are coerced into a particular type of thinking and they will tend to think like the people around them think. It is not easy to come to a decision, but many times, the people that they choose to look up to are not the types of people that they should look up to. For the most part, all the institutions of the world and all the media of the world want the people to think in a way that is against the way of the Christs and the prophets. We need to think in that way because it will give us a more fulfilling life on earth and after death. The people of the world do not understand that the world does not want them to think in the best way. We need to think in a way that is radical to the way that the world thinks.
The way of the heavens and the ways of the earth are much different. They work in opposites. The ways of the heavens are infinitely better than the world. The ways of the world is the way that the world thinks and the way the world wants us to think. The ways of the heavens are the ways that are ideal for our spiritual side. Unfortunately for this, the way is hard to look for and the way can only come through the mindset of the individual. The individual has to make it so that they are in the spiritual mindset. It is hard to do, but it is possible. The Christs gave us an example to live by and the journey to go down on the quest to get to the ways of the heavens. The prophets gave us the example of the struggles that we go through. We will go through these struggles and many of us will not be able to be successful. There are still more of us that will choose not to care about it at all and they will go through life without understanding life.
It would be a waste of life for us to ignore the foundation and the people and experiences that come after that. We are better than what the world thinks we are. Sure, we have this animalistic side of us that wants to think in the ways of the world. That is what the world wants us to tap into. We have this spiritual side of us, however, that is untapped largely because the world does not care about it. It is a better path, but it is also a harder path to get through. The rewards are great, but the journey is hard.
ENTRY 54: REBORN JANUARY 2012
I once blamed other people for all the problems that I faced in life. As humans, we like to do that to other people. We do not like to think that we are at fault because of our ego. It is that way because the world wants us to think about ourselves only. They do not want us to think about the world around us and that we are actually a part of society. Repentance is the ultimate form of self-sacrifice. It is recognition to the self of the faults of the self. Recognizing that you have made a mistake will allow you to improve yourself from the point that you are in.
Throughout my life, I have gone through many ups and downs. The down times in my life allowed me to look into my life so that I could be better. Repentance is used in many religions under different guises that allowed the individuals to learn about their own faults and to strive for something that is better than where they were at. It is easy for all of us to fall and it is easy for us to blame other people for our mistakes. I suffered from the same problems in the beginning and I did what most of the people of the world still do.
At first, I thought of the bad things of the world and I blamed other people. I thought that I was better than the people around me and I looked down on all the people that stole the friends away from me. I did not think that it was my fault that my friends left me. I blamed those around me, especially when they went against me. I did not think that it was my fault that my friends left me and I did not think that it was my fault that they went after me. It was only after I recognized my own faults that I was able to move on and strive to be a better person. If I was one that made the same mistake down the road, I would have never learned about what I did. Eventually, I was able to successfully learn about the experiences that I had and I made every effort to understand the mistakes that I made and be a better person. That is what people need to learn and many fail to understand about the nature of life.
The ultimate example that I strived for is the example of the Christs. The example of the Christs has been the ultimate example to strive for. Being Christlike is an important thing for us to strive for because they provided the journey, example, and teachings. The prophets strive to be like the Christs but they suffered from the conditions of humanity. Our humanity is the greatest barrier to our success in life. We need to think about these things and we need to strive for something more than the world is able to offer us, but many people will not take up the cause and follow in these examples.
Keep in mind that the examples set forth by the religions of the world will not bring us fully into the example of the Christs. They taint the journey that we all need to take as individuals with things such as rites, rituals, dogma, and doctrines. We need to do it on our own without any interference. We need to be able to do it without anybody telling us what to do and we need to do it in our own way. That is the way of the Christs and that is the way that we need to follow.
Jesus and Buddha never followed in the footsteps of their religion completely. They went against the establishments of the day and they sought the things of the world that truly matter. They went against the religious authorities of the day and they also went against the doctrines and dogma that they built up around their life and religion. This was to the dismay of the rulers and prophets of the day. It was also against the people on the most part. We need to live in that kind of a radical way.
Up until this point in time, I was a part of a religion of some sort. Since I had a conflict in my mind about religion and spirituality in general, I sought some sort of avenue by which I could expand my spirituality and find some sort of meaning in life. Between the dogma of the Catholic Church, the LDS Church, and the spirituality of many other traditions, I was not sure as to what I wanted to do with my life. It was not until this time that I decided that I would begin the process of leaving religion altogether.
I needed to come to terms with my life. I was never a good Mormon. I was never truly a good Catholic either. I tried to be a good example, but I was not fully practicing the faith that I claimed to preach. I saw many of the people around me not able to practice it fully and I found that many of the people that I sought interaction with are not the right people for me. I did not think that I was a bad person, but I had to find a path for my own life.
I sought repentance many times in my life. I know that I am human and that I make mistakes. We all make mistakes, but we all change in our life. We are all good people on the inside and our intentions for the most part are good. We will never be able to live up to the expectations of other people. We can only live up to our own expectations that we set for ourselves as we strive towards the goal of being much like the Christs that we hear so much about in the stories. We will need to recognize our own mistakes and we need to die on the inside so that we are reborn as an individual who is better.